I hear heavy breathing and the pounding of two pairs of feet
as I am passing the iron-gate to a school with a pretentious name. I despise
the school immediately recognizing its horrid purpose. Simply from the name and
a glance at the grounds I can tell that it teaches wasteful clones the skills
to achieve a place in their slice of society. It’s a school that will allow
them to live the same lavish lifestyle they lead at this point of time as an
adult. I grew up with similarly excessive parents and feel drawn by the
competition. I’m hoping to find a runner who takes their discipline seriously
and runs without the fear of losing the trail. The student who is running away
from the evil in the world and toward purity with single-minded determination.
The boy for which running is his religion; therefore he has put in the
necessary extensive training to finish with the best time. I spot a single boy
whose body betrays the signs of each characteristic that I have listed. He is
clearly working against the forces that cause waste and stagnant living. This
boy enjoys the physical exertion each step causes his body and runs with
perfect form. He is gaining on the first and second place runners with a
competitive yet joyous gleam in his eye. Minutes after he wins the race he
doubles over to puke and I know that will only make his victory sweeter. He
will know that he had to push his body to the extremes to achieve his time and
because of that he will be sure the victory matters. As the last runners are
finishing up I hear a mother squealing about the giant ice-cream sundae she
will gift her son if he doesn’t finish last again. The outcry suggesting that
he will run faster should he be tempted with the wasted calories disgusts me
deeply. I quickly exit the scene running away from the evil that permeates the
school moving closer to the cleanliness of the wild.
I like how you use his drive frequently to critique the runners. I also love some of the word choice used to really sound like McCandless is speaking. This one sentence stuck out "The boy for which running is his religion; therefore he has put in the necessary extensive training to finish with the best time." This is good if included elsewhere but it is not a complete sentence on its own. I really like the last sentence how it connects to his views and love of the wild. In my opinion this is a very strong piece, however, I think with a man who is so in love with being secluded in the wild you should probably include a few more phrases poking at this idea.
ReplyDeleteHi Emma,
ReplyDeleteAs Ryan points out, you do a great job echoing McCandless' almost religious devotion to physical exertion. A cross country meet really is the perfect setting for this monologue. I especially like McCandless' disdain for wasted calories, which can be a symbol for all of the other meaningless consumption in modern life. Great work!