Wednesday, October 28, 2015

Homecoming, The Dancing Dungeon

Eight O’ Clock at night, I wander through the door toward the big desk. I get stopped by the teacher at the front door and she has a small black device and she tells me to speak, but I act as if I can’t hear her. Then she asks me if I am deaf, but I don’t respond so she can’t catch me faking. She scrunches her evil forehead and says I can go past, so I do. I get to the table to pay and I give them my $5. I walk inside and WHAM! I crash  into about seven other people. The massive crowd of teenage bodies rambling and moving about is overwhelming and I reside in a corner of shame and fear, hiding myself from the terrors of the crowd. As the dancing and craziness goes on I get more and more fearful of the other humans. I feel small compared to all the big people there. I hide from the others and attempt to leave, but I get stopped at the door. The terrifying evil teacher halts me in the doorway and tells me I can’t leave. I was trapped. I couldn’t escape the dungeon of crazed teenagers attacking the floor with their feet from their jumping. I escaped through the back door. That was terrifying. I thought I was dying.

2 comments:

  1. This is amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Truly inspirational writing Zack!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wonderful job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  2. You depicted the Chief's mindset and embodied his persona quite well, I believe. The way he feels small and hides in the corner is very much the Chief; however, I would have mentioned the noise, as it is very loud and since he feigns being deaf, he would notice sounds very well. I think you depicted KO nicely, with so many teenagers in one room. From the Chief's point of view, though, I would have described the scene more, as he is definitely super descriptive. Maybe describe the dresses and the decorations and the way the bodies move? Overall, however, I really enjoyed your Chief Piece and thought you did a really good job!

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